You Can't Call It Froley.

Ezra Miller is going to be The Flash!

I don’t know who or what The Flash is because I’m 22 now and can’t keep up with you hip young things, but apparently it’s a big deal and anything that draws attention to him is good in my book.

He’s excellent as the eponymous unhinged teen in We Need to Talk About Kevin, and in a completely different role steals every scene from Emma Watson in The Perks of Being a Wall Flower.

Homework: Go watch Ezra Miller films immediately. 

I’m not even that into Caryl but this was fucking adorable.

Some Questions to Ask Before The Walking Dead season Five.
It’s hard to believe it’s been almost six months since we left Rick and co in that ominous pen in Terminus, and as always with new Walking Dead I’m greeting it with tepid excitement. Yes, I want to know what happens next. No, I don’t want the characters I’ve grown to love meet to horrible, painful deaths. Here’s some vague subheadings for season 5 questions:

Who Will Die?

Before season 4 I made THIS list of death predictions, and while I called Hershel and the Gov, it was surprisingly less deathy than anticipated, which surely only means there’ll be more to endure this series.
My general feeling is take anyone but Daryl, Michonne and Glenn, but I seem to like more and more per season, and with relative newbies like Tara and Abraham showing promise, it looks like there could be a lot to endure.

So far, the only person I think is safe-safe is Daryl; due to the intensity (nice word) of some of his fans, I think he’s only going to go if Norman Reedus wants to leave.

I think anyone else could die, but I’d say less likely are Michonne and Carl. In a bit more danger are Abraham, Glenn, Maggie and Tara and the ones I probably wouldn’t be surprised by are Bob, Tyreese, Sasha, Eugene, Carol, Beth, Bob and Rosita.

Rick is a difficult one, because I feel like he gets less and less safe per season, but I find him more and more interesting as it goes on (especially since that dullllll him/Shane/Lori triangle ended). Part of me thinks it’d be a waste to kill him off as there’s so much to explore around hwo far he’ll go to survive. Part of me thinks the producers will go ‘ah fuck it, lets shock them.’ Of all the grim shows I’ve seen, this is the one where I feel like they will just bump off the lead.

Who Will Get Eaten?

Answer: At least one of our group, probably. I don’t trust those Terminus Barbecues, and with the Comic’s hunters yet to make an appearance I’d say it’s probably them. Beth seemed most likely last season, but she’s a teeny tiny thing so surely they’d go for someone a bit meatier (and I’m going to stop now before I say something mean). 

Where is Beth?

Many fans speculated that that tasty barbecue meat Mary offered around on the first trip to Terminus was in fact poor wee Beth, and while that may still be the case if they pull some clever flashback trickery, the trailer proves that we at least haven’t seen the last of Beth in the show. For me, it was the most interesting looking part of the trailer, and that medical/lift/police place she’s wound up in looks every bit as dubious as Terminus.

Will Rick stop looking so wet?

Has anyone noticed that Rick spent the entire last season looking really, really wet? Not in the rude way, but in the physical I’ve-just-been-caught-in-an-unexpected-monsoon kind of way? I get that they’re all meant to look a bit grubby and dishevelled and sweaty etc but unless there’s a big grey rain cloud following only Rick around (which would definitely be a metaphor too far) then there’s no reason for him to look a zillion times wetter than everyone else. And continuing on that note:

Will everyone stop looking so gorgeous?

I don’t even think I’m complaining about this in a poorly done over-made up make-up kind of way, because as pretty as Maggie is on the show, she looks completely different to when she’s all done up like this:


*many wolf whistles*

I think I’m just annoyed that these people probably would look this good sans makeup in an apocalypse, where as my make-up free self would probably be mistaken for a Walker and I would be impaled in the face almost immediately.

Will We Finally Get Some decent Mother Fucking Swearing Please?

Censorship in the Walking Dead is weird. We can watch as much gruesome, bloody violence as we please but Lord help us if we see a boob or hear an F word. If you have the season 4 DVD then the final scene ends with the unedited ’ they’re fucking with the wrong people.’ line which is infinitely better. Upping the F-bomb quote would add more impact.

How Amazing will Stephen King’s Tweets Be This Time?

I mean, who didn’t love reading these?


Will Daryl Finally Get His Leg Over?

It seems highly unlikely to me that surely the sexiest man left alive on the planet (I mean he’s up near the top in real life and we have billions of people trotting around) is the only one who hasn’t got his leg over yet.

There’s a bit of spark with both Carol and Beth, and they’ve discussed the character potentially being gay, so romance must be on the horizon at some point. My feeling is, I don’t really mind if he gets it on with man, woman or beast* as long as he just gets some action already. (*I think would mind if it was with beast)

And will he ever cut his hair?

It makes sense that personal grooming isn’t high on the agenda in a world full of zombies, but seems as his hairs managed to get progressively darker each season surely a haircut wouldn’t go amiss. Or will it eventually grow so long that he can have Rick put it into a Rapunzel Plait in an act of further male bonding?

Roll on Season Five!

"Just because I’m a public figure, just because I’m an actress, does not mean that I asked for this. It’s my body, and it should be my choice, and the fact that it is not my choice is absolutely disgusting. I can’t believe that we even live in that kind of world. You’re perpetuating a sexual offense. You should cower with shame. Even people I know and love say ‘Oh yeah, I looked at the pictures.’ I don’t want to get mad, but at the same time I’m thinking, I didn’t tell you that you could look at my naked body. Every single thing I tried to write made me cry or get angry. I started to write an apology, but I don’t have anything to say I’m sorry about. I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn, or look at you…I’m not crying about it anymore. I can’t be angry anymore. I can’t have my happiness rest on these people being caught, because they might not be. I need to find my own peace."
— Jennifer Lawrence responds to nude picture leaking and in typical style absolutely slays it.

Also we took a trip to the new Dark Matters cafe & while I’m not much of Whovian I was very impressed with their Doctor Who themed toilet.

Also we took a trip to the new Dark Matters cafe & while I’m not much of Whovian I was very impressed with their Doctor Who themed toilet.

Went charity shop shopping the other day for my Halloween costume (Veronica from Heathers…bought the most eighties skirt in the world) and I came across this fantastic Disney T-shirt. £3 & it came all the way from Hong Kong Disneyland. I am in love.

posted 2 weeks ago

Let’s Talk About Gone Girl, Shall we?

HERE is my regular, spoiler free review of Gone Girl, but I have have have to talk about the ending, so if you haven’t read the book and/or film, don’t click the read more.

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31 Days of Horror.

Sadly due to general unfortunate business I haven’t really got time to do 31 Days of Horror, even though it sounds really really fun. So instead, here are 31 horror picks from me (In no particular order):

1. Suspiria.

I first saw this at an All Night Cinema event at about 4am and the insanely loud score made me want to attempt to paper cut my very tired ears off with my popcorn tub. Having seen it since when considerably more awake, it’s a very solid horror and the music is really effective (which can be appreciated when one hasn’t been awake for about nineteen hours straight with hangover).

2. Cat People.

Cat People was another horror from seen at an all night cinema event. Despite the man next to us constantly asking if we liked sheep and pissing himself on the floor, I still have fond memories of this strange little black and white film. So it must have been good.

3. The Shining.

A Kubrick classic that was initially nominated for a couple of Razzies (and was also hated by Horror legend Stephen King who penned the source material) it overtime rightly took it’s place as one of the best scary movies ever. Chilling, creepy and weird as hell, it’s brilliant. Though Shelley Duvall def deserved her nod for worst actress. Yikes.

4. Confessions.

Probably technically not a horror film, but I first saw this Japanese flick on Frightfest on Film4 so hey ho I’m sticking to it. Initially starting as a revenge flick about a Mother infecting those who killed her daughter with HIV, it goes on to be so much, much more than that and is genuinely one of the most fascinating films I’ve seen.

5. Scary Movie 3.

Ok, stick with me after this one please. Yes, The Scary Movie films are stale and naff and about 90% of all their jokes fail to hit their marks BUT this one has Charlie Sheen, some brilliant Brenda moments and an amazing visual gag involving a police hat and it did actually make me laugh quite a bit. So don’t write it off immediately (should also probably point out I was drunk at the time of viewing..)

6. Night of the Living Dead.

George A Romero is basically king of the zombies, and his first feature is one of the most astounding débuts ever. This proves that a film can have a virtually minuscule budget and still do exactly what it needs to do. Atmospheric, uncomfortable and very scary, it’s one of the best zombie films there’s ever been. Oh, and that ending..

7. Ringu.

J-Horror Classic Ringu provides one of the most chilling scenes ever in cinema with the legendary crawling-out-of-the-TV scene. Actually felt a bit tramutised after. Excellent.

8. 28 Days Later.

It’s strange to think that the opening scenes of Cillian Murphy wandering round a completely deserted London almost never happened, because they’re one of the most powerful in cinema. And, say what you want about those fast zombies, they created a bloody lot of stress in me when I was watching. The tunnel scene still makes me feel a bit uneasy.

9. Battle Royale.

Basically a bloodier Hunger Games in Japan (this came first) I’ve managed to still retain my love of this film despite having to write a 10,000 word dissertation on it, which is nothing short of miraculous. I love myself a terrifying female horror baddie, and the sinister and ruthless Mitsuko in this is one of my favourites.

10. Hostel.

Sometimes in life you want caviare and a glass of champers, sometimes all you want is a dirty, greasy takeaway you bought drunkenly at 3am the previous night. Eli Roth is the horror equivalent of a dirty, greasy takeaway, and he should absolutely be hailed for it. It should be celebrated that people always try new things with horror, but equally, sometimes horror is just brutal, gross and disgusting and you can always rely on Roth for a juicy slab of horror porn.

11. Dawn of the Dead.

Lets add a rare, successful remake to the list now. Yes, Romero’s Dawn of the Dead is a classic, but Zack Schneider manages to craft a rather good film with his (loose) reimgining of the original. The start alone is much more flll throttle and brilliant. And it has a Johnny Cash song, so it was always going to be a winner for me.

12. Love Exposure.

Again, is it a horror? Probably not in it’s entirety. But in it’s four hour plus running time the Japanese epic manages to squeeze in many horror elements, and any film that features a brutal castration scene where blood sprays from an erect penis like a red waterfall probably belongs on this list. It’s also a brilliantly in depth look at family, sexuality and religion and is funny and sad and enthralling throughout.

13. Planet Terror.

Similarly with Eli Roth, you pretty much know what you’re going to get with a Robert Rodriquez film, and zombie(ish) tale Planet Tower is his dirtiest, guiltiest pleasure to date. The groundhouse pastiche features galleons of gloopy blood and oozing sores (old school gore is so much better), a stripper with a machine gun leg and a weirdly sexy performance from Freddy Rodriguez. It’s crazy and fun and far, far superior to it’s kinda boring Tarantino counterpart.

14. Dead Set.
Technically a TV series, but you can watch it one sitting relatively easily so I’m counting it. Before the often brilliant days of Bad Mirror, cynical/grumpy columnist Charlie Brooker created this brilliant satirical horror-drama about a zombie apocalypse and the Big Brother house. The metaphors may be as subtle as a mallet to the head, but nonetheless it’s a brilliant and weirdly affecting piece of television. And the ending is bleak.

15. Cabin in the Woods.

The Cabin in the Woods is probably one of the most fun films I’ve ever seen, and I’m going to say very little about it because if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s best going into it with no idea of what’s in store. What I will say, though, is while many horror-comedies usually pull off one aspect much better that the other, this one manages to be laugh out loud funny, but also made my Mam jump so hard that she poked herself in the eye.

16. An American Werewolf in London.

Another good example of funny and scary, An American Werewolf London is a darkly bleak tale of, well, what the title says. The scenes on the Moors are particularly good.

17. Red State.

Kevin Smith’s Red State is a bit of all sorts; teen sex comedy, horror and a look at religious extremism. Michael Parks is excellent as the horrific leader of a warped, Westboro Baptist Church style group, and it’s one of those films where it’s genuinely difficult to tell what’s going to happen in the end. Which I think makes the ending even more wonderful.

18. The Mist.

Overall, Frank Darabont’s The Mist is ok but not brilliant, but it has one of the most powerful endings ever seen. I’ll say no more, but it’s worth sticking with for the end scenes alone. It’s also good if you fancy a ‘spot the Walking Dead cast member’ drinking game (and who doesn’t?).

19. Scream.
I find the Scream films very clever in the way they knowingly use the many, many clichés of the horror genre. They’re not spoofs, nor pastiches but rather horror film’s in their own right and they work brilliantly. A brilliantly well done moment is the ‘look behind you!’ scene.

20. Scream 4.

Fastforward several years and two iffy sequels and we arrive at Scream 4, which I thoroughly enjoyed. There’s a whole range of new horrors to reference (the Saw films, Shaun of the Dead) as well as the now inescapable reliance on technology. I particularly enjoyed the multiple beginnings. Smarter than your average slasher.

21. Funny Games.

It doesn’t really matter whether you go for Michael Haneke’s original Austrian film or his English language remake that came a decade later, both are stifling and horrible in equal measure. It follows a young yuppie family are humiliated, teased and tortured by a couple of well spoken psychopaths, and proves that no film maker on Earth can make you feel uneasy quite like Michael Haneke.

22. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Yes it’s Disney and yes it’s aimed at Children but it’s also CREEPY AS FUCK. I was scared of the evil Queen when I was little and I also could’ve cried when I was in the Disneyland Snow White ride in France over Summer because it’s just horrible.

23. Shaun of the Dead.
This is the film that made me love zombies. It’s genuinely a little bit scary in parts (there is a shot where the silhouettes of the zombies show up outside the Winchester and I think that is brilliantly creepy) but it’s also hilariously funny. And the jokes are so layered that you’ll probably still be spotting them after multiple viewings.

24. The Exorcist.
Though probably not as scary as it was deemed upon it’s release now we’re all hideously desensitised, it’s nonetheless still a very creepy and atmospheric example of a horror film. And the music is excellent.

25. House of Wax.

I guess I had to get a load of irritating American teens getting murdered in the list at some point, so here, have House of Wax. I found it way creepier than the average slasher, and the initial kidnapping is still horrible to watch. It all falls apart a bit at the end though - much like the house itself, ironically.

26. Psycho.

The music. The shower. The stabbing. Even if you haven’t seen Psycho you’ll have seen it referenced somewhere, such is it’s influence on cinema. It’s iconic and it’s enduring power can be seen by the fact that we currently have Bates Motel going on right now.

27. Audition.

You could almost switch on Audition expecting a cutesie Romcom and not realise for over an hour that you will in fact be taking a trip into extreme brutality and cruelty. Yes, the eye-needles and the ankle-wire are all gross beyond belief, but for me the eeriest moment comes when we find just what timid little Asami has in that sack of hers.

28. Pans Labyrinth.

Pans Labyrinth is an adult fairytale and a masterpiece, using fantasy and mythology to polarise a grim civil war. And though it’s not an out-and-out horror film, the Pale Man is really, really scary and Captain Vidal is a fittingly evil villain.

29. The Others.

It’s only a 12, but The Others is still a very solid ghost story that manages to spook, and if you aren’t already familiar with the twist then it’s a good one.

30. REC: Genesis.

Though the first REC film is generally regarded as the best of the Spanish shaky-camera films, I actually preferred this ill-received sequel (the third instalment) primarily because I really liked the idea of the zombie outbreak beginning at a wedding. Also includes some stellar chainsaw work.

31. The Loved Ones.

I will be talking in detail about The Loved One nearer to Halloween, but for the time being I will point out that it’s my favourite horror film of all time and that I think that Lola Stone is one of the best - and underrated - villains in film ever. This film should be way bigger than it is and all my superlatives wouldn’t do it justice.

posted 2 weeks ago

We all know I have a bit of a thing for the Affleck, but in a cast full of beautiful people, Gone Girl’s Emily Ratajkowski reigns supreme. 

I am behind on many, many things in life if we are to be honest and keeping up to date with the latest Hunger Games shenanigans can be added to the list. 

Something tells me that I was slightly underwhelmed by the new trailer as I just went to watch it for the ‘first’ time and realised I had in fact already seen it, however I enjoy these new stills. 

They feature the fierce and fantastic pairing of Natalie Dormer and Jennifer Lawrence, and also Chris Hemsworth’s less charismatic but still rather lovely looking little bro.

Uninspired trailer aside, I am very excited to see this.

And Miracle on 34th Street is going to be considerably more interesting this year as I have just seen the male romantic lead having a cry wank.

Finally understand why this is called Amercian Horror Story…a woman just made tea in the microwave.

Mentioned this one a few times, but it does look good, doesn’t it?

posted 1 month ago

Nailed it.

Nailed it.